Slow & Steady Wins The Race

i-love-my-keyholder-wife:

My first post was about how we began our journey into chastity.  That being said – I learned some lessons along the way that I wish I had learned prior to trying to introduce all of these ideas to my Mistress.

1st – This has been a kink/fantasy of mine for quite a while and I have had a lot of time to think about it and look into it and dream about the possibilities.  My wife on the other hand had lived a very conservative life and we had previously stayed quite vanilla in our sex life, what was left of it when I brought this up anyway.  We were on two completely different playing fields as far as our drives and our desires go.  WHEN PLAYING FIELDS ARE UNEVEN YOU HAVE TO WORK TO GET TO COMMON GROUND

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2nd – (in connection to #1) Blasting 100 different scenarios and fantasies related to chastity right off the bat (what I consider my bull in the china shop tactic) did not pan out too well for me.  I kept trying to relay that she would benefit the most from locking me up but all of my scenarios were so elaborate and detailed that she felt overwhelmed and like she was being given another job to take care of my fantasies.  For almost a year we would go back and forth with me feeling frustrated that she wasn’t picking up on the things I was telling her about and her getting frustrated and upset because she felt like she was getting performance anxiety when I wasn’t content with the baby steps that she was taking to enjoy the ride.  (pun intended) CAN’T RUSH A GOOD THING.

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3rd – When I went and bought all of the toys that I had I did so with the idea in mind that I would be able to use all of these toys to raise up my Mistress’s libido and pleasure her more and more as she became acustomed to the new means of achieving an orgasm.  I tried and I tried to do various things like putting on a strap-on while still caged so that she could ride.  She told me she prefered riding the real thing.  (Rejection #1)  I used a cock sheath.  She told me again she prefered riding the real thing.  (Rejection #2)  I attempted to tell her that I would go down on her any time that she wanted (which we hadn’t done since we were first married) and she wouldn’t ever request it but when I would ask she would sometimes reluctantly let me lick her.  Then she would tell me that she enjoyed it a lot.  But still never follow it up with requesting that I do it again.  (Felt like rejection #3).  I went and bought both a Hitachi wand and a rabbit vibe after looking at online reviews and various other sites that said that these were “women’s best friends” and how much women seemed to like them.  I tried using both of them in various ways and each time she would say “it just tickles” and “it doesn’t really do much for me”.  (Rejection #4).  I started to wonder if any of the fantasies that I had in my mind were going to be of any use between the two of us because I couldn’t find anything she enjoyed for getting sexual pleasure outside of being on top and riding me. NOT ALL SEX TOYS OR SEXUAL ACTS ARE OF INTEREST OR A TURN ON FOR ALL WOMEN.

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4th – While chatting with a few people online about things and where I was feeling frustrated about my situation one gal told me that I needed to get away from the porn side of chastity because most of that was not real and/or it wasn’t in the interest of the woman involved in the chastity play.  She quickly directed me to a few websites and books to try out as stepping stones to me being able to present things better to my wife if I wanted her to take the reins as my Mistress.  She told me that one of the best books to get was Female Domination – by Elise Sutton and she gave me the website to go to read up on the author who has written a few books and has a webpage dedicated to the subject. Eventually, after looking over the webpage and perusing through comment sections and others I was determined to find a good source of material that I could share with my wife and something coming from a woman’s perspectice would hopefully be the right thing to share.  So I went and bought the book.  Of course I read through it myself first so that I could see if what the author had to say matched with what I was thinking/feeling but from a Domme’s perspective.  It was enlightening to learn more about the concept of servitude being at the core of female domination and that the sexual pleasure and enjoyment are a by-product.  I NEEDED TO CHANGE MY TACTICS AND WAY OF THINKING.  I NEEDED TO SERVE MY MISTRESS IN EVERY WAY I COULD TO HELP HER REALIZE HOW MUCH I LOVE HER AND WANT TO BE HER PET.

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Like I said, we went through about a year of on again, off again, playing with femdom type of ideas, especially chastity.  I ended up doing a last ditch effort of sorts by telling her about the book and asking if she would read it for some perspective from a woman’s viewpoint.   She started to read it and found that there were some good thoughts shared from the very start of the book.  And after reading a few chapters she turned to me in our bed and said “you realize that most of what I’m reading so far involves the sub being of service to his Domme, right?” I hadn’t thought about it in that matter.  I knew the book talked about service – but I think I may have been more interested in the later chapters and hadn’t put service in the forefront of my mind.  From that night forward I found more opportunities to rub her feet or back throughout the day, like walking up to her in the bedroom or kitchen and just rubbing her neck or while we are at a football game for our kids.  I started rubbing and kissing her feet while she laid in bed. I told her that I wanted to draw her bubble baths to relax from the day.  I wanted to paint her toenails.  She had had her nails done earlier in our marriage and had brought up on occasion that she wanted to do that again but it was always an issue of money.  I told her that I was willing to learn how to do them and give her manicures on occasion.  I started cleaning our room before I left for work, including making the bed if she was already up and moving with the kids.  I started doing loads of laundry before I headed off to work and putting away laundry when I got home from work.  These are the things that my Mistress started noticing.  These are the “perks” that she started desiring to happen regularly.  And she connected the dots between my servitude and desires to make her happy with keeping the key to my cage.  She started instructing me to put the cage on instead of me putting it on and giving her the keys to hold like it had been for the previous year or so.  And as the lock up times get longer she realizes how much happier the both of us are.  Just a few hours ago she sent me a text asking if we had any vibrating cock rings that she could put on the sheath because she wanted to try that again. When I told her that the rings that I had originally bought had all broken she proceeded to go online and purchase some.  Things are moving in a pleasant direction.  And all it took was for me to learn my lessons about SLOW AND STEADY WINS THE RACE.

wellgnawed: deepernsfw: royb8771: I’d love to be teased like…

wellgnawed:

deepernsfw:

royb8771:

I’d love to be teased like this for the length of a movie or a series of episodes in a show and then have my orgasm be dependent on a quiz at the end.

@hypno-sandwich

Hypno predicament scene!  Watch this hypnotic induction video… while being teased… pay close attention; your orgasm at the end depends on how well you’ve absorbed and respond to the triggers…

Despite the amnesia suggestions all through…

Mmmph, now I have a fantasy of a hypnosis recording that loops, and loops, and loops, no pronouns, just talking about the cock and the hand, so that it can be played for singles or couples, each stroke rewarding the hand, helping it effortlessly tease, each touch causing a tingling transfer of even more control of the moment, cock getting increasingly desperate and helpless, hand increasingly content, energized and enthused to continue…

Tortured, Jerked then tortured again – Pornhub.com

Tortured, Jerked then tortured again – Pornhub.com:

Post orgasm torture.

I thought his begging sounded fake but the tone of his voice and his squirming was real.

Somehow her impassive, detached attitude was hot, too, which surprised me. 🙂